I’m calling this ‘My Story 61’ because it is still part of my journey over the last nine years and two months since my accident. The bleeding on the brain gave me PTSD. PTSD gave me anxiety, and anxiety changed my life. Whilst it changed the way my mind worked, it also changed the direction my life took. It took me to new jobs and new situations, and situations I could now have done without – but that is life.
I have mentioned ‘mood swings’ for which I am now taking medication, which has been a great help to me, so please don’t discount medicines as I did at the start of my journey. My ups and downs were massive in short periods of time, and I needed to do something, and that was without anyone else telling me, I knew.
So was I Bipolar? If you read this, then I definitely was. An internet search tells us this: ‘Bipolar is a disorder in which your mood becomes extremely high or low, with episodes lasting for days or weeks on end. It can affect one in 100 people and tends to begin later in teenage years, with symptoms usually starting between the ages of 15 and 19 in young people.’
Well, I was 57 when it started, and sometimes it lasted hours, way up to way down in less than a day, so a little different to the description but the same thing. So why am I telling you this, because things have changed again, and the last week has been pretty horrible, and I don’t know why, and that concerns me? But once MHI’s have started, I believe they can affect us in more ways than one.
The short mood swings haven’t returned, on the contrary, I had been on a low for about a week, and I just couldn’t seem to shake it, and it concerned me as I had no idea why. My anxiety can return if situations I am in control of go wrong, or I don’t like, and the level of anxiety varies. It has hit me as low as one on my 1-10 scale, but it has hit me at ten too! But this week has been strange.
I have mentioned my ‘underlying issues,’ and if they appear or are on my mind, my anxiety can also return then, pretty much as it did this morning. I could feel the short, sharp feelings that shoot through my body, a bit like nerves but worse, and why were the underlying issues there? I’m not sure – actually I am, so here goes?
On Friday morning, I went out on my bike and did twenty-five miles, enjoyable and hard work and a good distraction, and a way to make me feel better. My wife and I went out at night and had a good chat, which helped me too, so I started to feel better.
As my moods were changing for the better, I decided to go out on my bike again on
Saturday morning, this time on my twelve-mile time-trial route, always pushing myself as hard as possible to improve my best time. That only stands at forty-eight minutes, but I’m still happy with that, and I’m sure I will better it in time, but it wasn’t happening on Saturday morning. I got home in fifty-eight minutes, and admittedly it was a windy morning cycle, and it was hard work at times, but I’ll get there. (It didn’t happen on Monday either, fifty-six minutes, I’m now wondering if my best time was right?)
So when I got back from my Saturday cycle, I realised my app showed that I had cycled exactly thirteen miles, as I had gone slightly further to see a friend after the time trial. I know now that the app was wrong, but at the time, that is what it was telling me – and of course, it was saying thirteen and I couldn’t have that. So I set off, just around a couple of blocks that I knew was about a mile long.
If you have read any of my early stories, you know I don’t like the number thirteen. Here is an excerpt from an earlier article I wrote:
‘We do know it all started in January 2013 with the accident; however, I will go back to December 2012 when I had been reading a newspaper article about people who would not change jobs or cars, or move house or go on holiday during 2013 because of the number of the year, and what did I do? I laughed at them; after all, it’s only a number and a year, not the actual number 13, and it was all a bit silly – or was it?
Looking back, I had always been a little cautious of the number 13 itself. I wouldn’t and still won’t drive my car with the audio volume set at 13 or use the TV at home at that level either. When we had a choice of two identical houses on a new-build estate, we chose plot eight over thirteen, with the plot number being a very relevant factor along with one or two other features. It’s funny how these little things can play a part in our life. Had I known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have laughed at the newspaper article, and I might have made one or two resolutions myself about 2013 – like giving up on cycling!
More recently, we saw a cottage for sale that we would have liked to have viewed, but I point blank refused to go and see it as it was no 13! And I wrote in my book that I remembered going into a shop to buy a poppy for the annual appeal. I used up all my loose silver and copper change with a couple of pound coins and put my poppy on. I then noticed that by donating that amount to buy the poppy, it had left me with precisely £13 in pound coins in my pocket, so me being me, I gave the appeal another pound which left me with the twelve. I didn’t mind as it is a good cause. I was a little superstitious about the number 13, and I still am now possibly more so because of 2013. Was it my fault for laughing at it – how our minds work!’
On the route I took to get away from 13, there is a small but busy roundabout, and sitting patiently waiting to go, there was a car opposite me, also sitting waiting their turn to join the flow, and I couldn’t help but notice the number plate; let’s say for this blog, it was AB 18 CDE. Whilst living with this other woman she decided to change her car, and it’s one of these things I can’t forget because I was there when she bought it. I was with her as she drove it. The registration number was/is AB 67 CDE. So five digits in exactly the same place. Why did it have to be at that roundabout at exactly the same time as me? Why did it bring me out of my content world, and why did I have to see it?
And so I am back to this aspect of my life, whereby no matter what I do, something
comes along and kicks me in the teeth and reminds me of what I did, and that is something I don’t need, as I can’t forget anyway. But yesterday it was worse, I was in a good place, I was a million miles away in my own little content world as I cycled and waited to negotiate a roundabout, and there staring me in the face was my reminder, life’s way of saying ‘you messed up and we’re not going to let you forget what you did, you’re going to pay for it for a long time yet.’
My mood changed again, and within hours, I could feel myself starting to get lower and lower. This time I made a conscious effort to be happy and enjoy the meal my wife and I had on Saturday night in our favourite restaurant, and it was good we laughed with some fellow diners, and it was a good night.
But then this morning arrived, and I could feel my anxiety in small bursts, and I struggled to feel good, to get going and to be alright, to the extent whilst having brunch, my wife asked me how I was, and excuse me, but I said I ‘felt like s**t,’ because I did.
I had jobs to do, garden slabs to power wash, the garage to tidy and other smaller tasks, and there we go; that was my diversions, my all-important distractions to get my mind off things and back to where it needed to be. The difficult thing is keeping it there. As I write this part, eleven minutes into the Manchester derby on Sunday afternoon, I am fine (I might not if the game carries on like this)! But I am feeling a lot better. As I was yesterday before I went out for that extra mile, before life reminded me of my failings, and just to get rid of that number thirteen – a number that shouldn’t have been there in the first place as the app was wrong! How life can remind you and kick you when you don’t need it
But that’s how things are with me, and how my mind is, and again, if it’s like this for me, it must be like this for other people. What else has made me feel better, well, my old favourite – writing and telling the world how things are and can be, and just trying to help.
It is a little concerning, the mood being so low for so long, which I don’t remember happening before, the anxiety coming back, the reason I started to feel low – a number plate, and especially after getting myself back up again. Still, the main thing is I am back up, yet again. More so because United have equalised, although the signs aren’t great, at least they are level – and did I write too soon, just as I was putting those words onto paper, De Bruyne has just scored his second 2-1 to City!
So now I’ve experienced this week, I am going to try to learn from it and try not to
let myself get down again; there are ways. First of all, change my thought process again, look at how lucky I am, and always try to remember that part of my life, instead of other issues that have happened, and I can do nothing about – ‘control the controllable’s.’
And today, Monday, we had to take our dog to the vets. On the way, I had another roundabout to negotiate, and this time an articulated lorry went round carrying her name, staring me in the face, but it wasn’t happening again, no mood changes, just raised eyebrows, a smile, carry on with life as normal and think how lucky I am to have what I have in life.
But I have realised one other thing that affects me; my beloved Father is not well, he has lung cancer and will be eighty-eight years old later this year. I found out this morning that he has had to go into hospital again as he can hardly walk, is dehydrated and is not in a good place. I now realise this was also an issue some days ago when I started to feel low. And when I heard the news today, I felt myself starting to get down again, and I knew this was one of my problems, naturally, he is my Father and I love him. But I fought it today, no matter it’s my Father, no matter it’s sad, no matter I have just seen a lorry I didn’t want to see. There is NOTHING I can do!
I need to be more selfish than I naturally am. I need to think of my wellbeing and my lovely wife, and I need to control the controllable’s and worry about what I can do in my life. Dad’s situation worries me, but there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him. He is in the right place and has good people looking after him. Please don’t think bad of me, but one of the first steps to helping with any MHI is helping ourselves, and our therapies are all different!
I will get daily reminders of what I did wrong, and I have to accept that and get on with that and stop letting it affect me, irrelevant of what I did. It’s in the past, and we can’t do anything about the past, including the dreadful embarrassing football match that we watched yesterday. Manchester United need to have a clear-out and start again. Keep some experienced players the ones who want to play for United, not just earn money, they need to start looking at their youth structure – or maybe too many people think ‘you can’t win anything with kids.’ Have faith, Ferguson did and look what he built?
Thanks for reading, and stay safe
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עם 4 קליניקות עמיתות פעילות ובטיפולם המסור של
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העיסוי המוכר לרוב האנשים הוא אותו עיסוי בחולון מהנה שניתן לאנשים במרכז הבריאות של בתי מלון או
על ידי קליניקות פרטיות של עיסוי אירוטי בפתח תקווה בחולון ובערים נוספות בישראל.
טיפולי עיסוי אירוטי מבוססים על אינטראקציה
צמודה בין המעסה לבין המטופל. מעבר לכך, שירותי האתר מתאמים
להזמנת עיסוי אירוטי בירושלים לאחד החדרים בבתי המלון המפוארים
של העיר. דרך האתר תוכלו להזמין עיסוי בקליניקה או אפילו עיסוי
עד הבית. בקליניקה שלי יש ספא פרטי בשילוב
של אבנים חמות עם סאונה פינית יבשה ובריכת זרמים לבעיות גב.
סוגי עיסויים בחיפה עיסוי מפנק,עיסוי פנים,משולב,
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אם מחפשים היטב, אפשר למצוא גם מכוני עיסוי טובים בקריות.
איזה עיסוי אתם מחפשים בדיוק – חיפה היא עיר גדולה,
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עיסוי אירוטי בחולון מתאפיין
ברמה גבוהה של מקצועיות. תושבי ירושלים יכולים להשתמש
בשירותי אתר האינטרנט כדי להתפנק עם עיסוי אירוטי קרוב לבית.
ובימינו, בעידן האינטרנט הרבה יותר פשוט
לעשות זאת. דירות דיסקרטיות
בקריות מחפשים שני סוגי קהלי יעד,
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התייעצות בפורומים: תהיו בטוחים שממש כמוכם, עוד רבים חיפשו בעבר עיסוי ארוטי בנתניה ועוד רבים יחפשו זאת בעתיד.
רוצים לקבל מסאז’ ארוטי בנס ציונה ?
אצלנו ניתן יהיה לבחור מתוך
מגוון סגנונות, אותם נתאים באופן אישי לכל מטופל:
עיסוי רפואי בנס ציונה, עיסוי
רקמות עמוק בנס ציונה, עיסוי משולב בנס ציונה, עיסוי שוודי בנס ציונה, עיסוי לנשים בהיריון בנס ציונה ועיסוי לאחר לידה בנס ציונה.
עיסוי שוודי ועיסוי רפואי,
טיפול מקצועי ומסור מותאם לצורך האישי שלך.
העוסקים בעיסוי השוודי שמים דגש על
האווירה, שבה נעשה העיסוי לצורך כך.
אבנים אלה מחוממות לטמפרטורה הרצויה ונעשה בהם שימוש
גם כחלק מהעיסוי עצמו וגם בהנחה על גוף המטופל לצורך ניקוי
רעלים ואנרגיות שליליות.
מסאג’ מקצועי בהשרון והסביבה הוא טיפולי
המאפשר לנרמל את התפקודים הטבעיים של גוף האדם.
אחרי מסאג’ אירוטי בצפון תמיד מרגישים כמו חדשים.
עיסוי אירוטי בעפולה. צפון . כאשר אתם מגיעים לבילוי אתם חייבים בחורה בשביל לקחת אותה אל הדירות הדיסקרטיות בעפולה.
הדירות הדיסקרטיות ברעננה יספקו לכם מענה מושלם לאווירה רומנטית ובילוי זוגי
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פרטית. כשאתם מתעניינים לגבי עיסוי בתל
אביב, דעו כי פתוחות בפניכם
שתי אפשרויות עיקריות: עיסוי בפתח-תקוה המתבצע בבית הפרטי שלכם או עיסוי בפתח-תקוה המתבצע בקליניקה פרטית.
לא עוד בתי מלון חשופים או צימרים שכולם מכירים, מהיום אמרו דירה פרטית בכרמיאל, אחת כזו
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כאשר דירות דיסקרטיות ברחובות הן ללא ספק האפשרות האידיאלית.
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הזמנת נערה הינו הליך פשוט וזמין הנמצא
במרבית אתרי האינטרנט ובשיחת טלפון אחת, תוכלו להזמין
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El rotativo de estabilizacion con cesta de embrague es un procedimiento critico a fin de garantizar el funcionamiento perfecto del motor y la accionamiento de un camion. El falta de equilibrio en la mencionada pieza llega a provocar temblores, sonido, deterioro rapido de los partes e pudiendo llegar a problemas. Historicamente, el estabilizacion se ejecutaba una vez quitar el volante del unidad, sin embargo las desarrollos modernas viabilizan llevar a cabo este procedimiento sin intermediarios en el carro, esto que minimiza tiempo y dinero.
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El falta de equilibrio constituye una circunstancia en la en la cual la masa de un componente rotacional (en este ejemplo, el volador de nivelacion con cesta de embrague) se distribuye de manera irregular respecto a su punto de rotacion de rotacion. Esto provoca esfuerzos centrifugos las cuales generan vibraciones.
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Deterioro y desperfectos: El funcionamiento prolongado, el exceso de calor y los fallas mecanicas tienden a cambiar la masa y resultar en desajuste.
Montaje o reparacion inapropiada: Una colocacion inapropiada de la canasto de embrague o reparaciones incorrectos igualmente pueden provocar desbalance.
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