My Story 52. I Got It Wrong Again – Life Not Anxiety!

I think I wrote four posts the week I was on holiday. I think I have written four in the month I’ve been home, and so when writing, the mood and the subject have to be there at the front of your mind to start the tapping on the keyboard, and for some reason, for me, they haven’t really been there.

I don’t think we should force ourselves to write because it wouldn’t be as natural; writing for me comes from sitting down and wanting to write, not because I feel I should write, so here I am, wanting to write. On this occasion, I will start by holding my hand up and admitting to getting it wrong – not anxiety but life and my own observations.

Way back on 30^th October, I wrote a post on Instagram about having a haircut and observing the Barber and his customer next to me, and my words were:

‘The Barber was a much younger man than the one cutting my hair who is the business owner. I’d say he was mid-late twenties, cutting the hair of a man I would guess to be around forty-five years old. They both looked miserable and didn’t speak to each other during the fifteen minutes I was in the chair, and it made me realise how lucky I was.’

Credit to the young man, he contacted me directly, and we had a chat through messaging. So on Saturday, when it was time to have my hair cut, I selected him as the Barber for my cut. We were fortunate to have the room to ourselves for my trim, and we spoke for the duration of the haircut; and I want to say thanks to this young man for the way he cut my hair, but more importantly, the way he was towards me. We spoke about all sorts, how he found his way to being a barber (and a good one at that.) We talked about his life, how his anxiety came about, and how different it was to my own experiences, and very different it was too, but that will always be private between him and me. I hope he doesn’t mind me calling him a ‘young man.’ Compared to me, he is, and I have pretty much chosen anonymity for my writing, so  I think it is only fair I continue to do so.

We had a great chat, and just like the Barber, probably some thirty years his senior and a master at cutting hair and socialising, he made me feel welcome, and he made me feel like he wanted to chat and be a part of a two-way conversation. And I mentioned in the post that I liked going to get my haircut with his boss, as it was a good fifteen/twenty-minute chat and catch up, well now I believe I am spoiled for choice, so who do I book with on my next visit? I have no idea.

So I got it wrong. I often despair at today’s younger generation, it is quite different to when we were that age, but then I meet people like this young man. It helps restore the faith. I can assure anyone reading this article that this isn’t some sort of ‘bromance .’ I think that when we meet people who deserve credit, we should give them that credit and never be scared to sing people’s praises. So I wanted to do this for that very reason. This young man has a lot going for him. He told me he was now in a ‘good place’, and that too was good to hear. I have written previously that I would not wish anxiety on anyone, not even people I dislike. And I hope this young man stays in that good place and keeps speaking to that person who helps him, long may that continue, we all need someone to talk to, someone who understands our problems.

Anyway, that’s enough of that; I don’t think I can dedicate a whole post to my newfound Barber. I don’t think I can call him a friend yet, certainly an acquaintance, and certainly a good barber. I have also written about the Lions Barbers Collective, a great idea for people who want to talk about Mental Health, maybe there is a future there for him should he decide to leave the local shop, I know now he could do it if he ever wanted to? So what else has been going on, well not too much, really?

I haven’t had the best of days. The problem I have is that I don’t have someone I can speak to about my underlying issues that can start me off. There are not many people I know who would want to talk about what I did, mainly because they are friends with both my wife and me. They don’t want to start talking about decisions I made that I got wrong and that may have affected them too.

So when I start the day off and things aren’t so good, I have to adopt a different approach. I have to try to change my mindset to be positive about what we have in life and be grateful, and whilst I fortunately don’t have to do this very often, when I do have to do it, it works for me, but I can assure you it is no quick fix, it takes a lot of my day to turn things around, but it does work. I’m sure working a Monday doesn’t help, but these things have to be done occasionally, and if I have to work one or even two Mondays each month, that’s not exactly drastic, is it?

So at eight o’clock this morning, I wasn’t feeling too good, in fact, I was feeling quite low, yet here I am some twelve hours later feeling pretty good about life, and a lot of it has to do with our own thinking. Yes, in the day, I have been out delivering Xmas hampers to some of our town’s senior citizens, which always makes me feel good. Just seeing them smile when you give them their present and card, and they stop and chat. I often wonder if they have seen anyone else during the day, as most live alone.

But in all fairness, I was feeling okay before I played Postman Pat, but I wanted to write to let people know that this in itself is a big help in our battle with anxiety and, undoubtedly, other mental health issues. Writing is like talking, I’m sharing it with you, and activity means diversions, my mind is elsewhere. I also know, however, some people think it won’t help them, so severe is their condition, as witnessed on TV recently and covered in this post.

But, as I keep saying, if my writing helps one person at some stage, I will be happy that I may have helped someone.

We need to share our experiences with these conditions, and every little bit of information, assistance or self-help ideas must be shared with everyone, as we never know who will benefit from it. My Twitter photo shows a saying, ‘if it has already happened, you can’t go back and change it. So put your energy and effort into making things better for the future.’

I try to live with that saying in my head; unfortunately, those ‘underlying issues’ I have for me are just too big and caused so many problems, not necessarily for me but people that are close to me, and I can’t think like that every day and forget about it, but as I have also said, ‘life won’t let me forget.’

My wife and I were at a local market on Saturday, enjoying the day out, looking for Xmas presents and suggesting presents for family and friends, and going from one stall to the next, sure enough, there was the cakes and biscuits, and the first pack on display were some named after the other lady, as one of the ingredients was her surname, and again I ask why? Why do these things have to happen when I’m in my world, having fun, and a million miles away from what happened? Why do I get these reminders so I won’t forget? Well, sorry, I don’t need them, I doubt I’ll ever forget.

That aside, we were very soon back to just enjoying ourselves, and the pack of biscuits were quickly forgotten, and again it’s good times and positive thoughts, rather than memories and bad decisions.

Apart from this morning, things are good, and times are good, as are those of the young Barber and let’s hope it continues for both of us.

Best I get my coin out to flip for the next haircut appointment – we shall see.

Thanks for reading, and stay safe.