Greetings from a lovely windy but warm Fuerteventura. It would take me too long to
check, but I think this might be the first time I have posted from abroad, not necessarily the first one I have written but posted yes. I am writing this for a couple of reasons, and the first is diversions! I have mentioned that lying in bed thinking about certain aspects of your life that you don’t like is not the best thing to do. I have to say the same can be said for lying on a sunbed.
We have had various types of holidays, we have done cruises, adventure travelling types, sightseeing and tours, right back to lazy relaxing sunbed types, and knowing this one was going to be a lazy one, I came prepared and lying on my sunbed today I’m glad I did. Had I been in bed feeling the same this morning, I would have gotten up to do something, so feeling as I did half an hour ago, I knew it was time to get my laptop out and start to write – the distraction that never fails me.
I have said on several occasions we all need them. In fact, I believe it is the most important piece of advice I can give to anyone suffering from any form of anxiety or mental health issue. We have to keep our mind occupied when it starts to venture off to dark places. If we lounge about letting dark thoughts get into our head, our head becomes bad, and no amount of aspirin makes it better; only we can. And that is why we need to start the recovery process when the feelings first begin, not after they have been gnawing away at us for a couple of hours. Once the darkness has set in, it is harder to get it to go away again, so start to work on it when the doubts and worries start.
Writing has been a great help to me; is it any good? I have no idea, but then I only ever promoted my blogs through Twitter. It was only recently I found out that Twitter wasn’t even in the top ten most popular social media platforms, at least not in the search I did, so I have started an Instagram account to try to help put ‘My Story’ out there, and only time will tell.
I also brought some reading material with me, the literature from my Mental Health First Aid course. I was eager to read it all again and refresh my memory in the hope it will help me if I start the talking and listening support group I am looking to set up in my local area. I began to read it this morning and gave up, and that, to me, shows us one thing, what works for one does not necessarily work for another. There was no concentration and no interest, yet here I am writing about the same subject, maybe getting a little frustrated at the fact I can’t type faster, but that is how things can be!
I have also mentioned that I don’t really enjoy being away from home, and it affected me quite badly as early as three months after my accident, on holiday in the same resort, but staying with the same friends that are here with us during this week. But this time, they are in their house, getting ready to sell and us in a lovely local complex. So different this time around, but that holiday was horrible, and discussing previous holidays here in Fuerteventura, my good friend mentioned it was one of the worst holidays he had been on, mainly because of my condition that we didn’t know very much about at the time, and not good for anyone – me included. I couldn’t relax, and I was in a state that was detected by all, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me, not so soon after the accident.
So it was with a little trepidation I came back; why go somewhere that has given you bad memories? Well, for me, there were two reasons, the main one being my wife wanted to come here and to get away from the time of year back in the UK, a time that brings back bad memories for both of us. She loves Corralejo, the resort she came to with her friends when she had her week away to decide whether to give us another chance, which thankfully she did.
The second reason is that I wanted to banish the demons of Corralejo, and so far, it is working, and there is no reason why it can’t continue, but then we have the ‘in control’ factor as well! My anxiety seems to be brought on by situations that I can control. But I suppose I mean situations that I control that I get wrong. So I could have controlled the holiday situation by saying I wasn’t going. No holiday implies no chance of anxiety as I would be at home where I feel safe. But if I didn’t go my wife probably wouldn’t have got her holiday. Sure she has friends, but they are nearly all married and can’t just shoot off, leaving husbands or partners at home, so because she deserves a holiday, I decided I had to come to this lovely island again.
I did feel quite bad last week; I can’t say I was ‘anxious’, but I was on edge, and maybe feeling nervous, concerned, apprehensive or other words that are similar, without the anxiety returning to hit me as it has before. So because I was in control, I had made a decision that I wasn’t too comfortable with, but we arrived on Friday. Here on Sunday afternoon, sitting on my sunbed with a cold beer, I am pretty much okay, even after the debacle that was the 0-2 loss Manchester United suffered on Saturday to Manchester City. It was men against boys and a shambles, and I, as many Manchester United fans, love Ole Gunnar Solskjaer for what he did for the club in 1999. Still, he is not the man to take United forward. If he were still there in ten years, the chances are United will still not have won a trophy. The thing is, I don’t understand why he doesn’t see this himself and do the honourable thing, but again that’s just me.
The second thing that could possibly get me worked up is that my car is seemingly sitting at Birmingham airport unlocked! I have an app on my phone that gives me certain information, and according to the local dealer I bought it from, it acts as a tracker when it is locked. So being some 2,000 miles away, I thought I would see if it worked, only for the app to tell me it was ‘unlocked.’ So I don’t know. Is the app not working, or have I left my car open? I will admit it is a bit of a dream car for me. I have only had it for three months or so, and if it were stolen, I would be devastated. Something that I thought would never bother me as that is why I have paid insurance for the last forty years, but this is my baby, as sad as it sounds, and it would get to me more because I was in charge of locking it – no-one else. Being so far away, I know there is nothing I can do, but I was still in control of locking it. But checking it again as I write this on Monday morning, the app tells me it is all secure – thanks to the app for being a little more uncomfortable.
I also love photography, the concept of creating something that no one else has done appeals to me, maybe why I also enjoy writing as the same applies to written text. So after our walk this morning, I was eager to get home and download my photographs, just to see what I had created on this occasion. Imagine my frustrations when I realised none of the photographs had been saved to the SD card in my camera? Something else I was in control of and failed, minor by comparison to the most important decision I had made some four years ago, but still in charge and still failing. And so the trip, the car and the photos, all failures of which I was in charge of, but the important thing is even these three put together doesn’t bring back any anxiety and to that, I say ‘thankfully.’ I describe it as being on edge, maybe uncomfortable at times. The thing is, I remember the anxiety, I know that horrible feeling I get, and it is not here – the difference is massive!
I remember that holiday some nine years ago that was horrible and not helped by reading my e-mails the day after arriving and seeing one from the national lottery saying I had won a prize and to log into my account, which I couldn’t do because I was abroad. I had to wait six days to get home to find I had won £3.60. In the early days, little things like this got to me even though I wasn’t in control – how times and our mindset changes.
So I will let you know how things go, although I may not post again from Fuerteventura. The reading surprised me as I was looking forward to refreshing my
memory on my MHFA information. Saying that, I wish my wife would hurry up and finish the book she originally bought for me to read on our break, Billy Connelly’s ‘Windswept and Interesting.’ She is reading away, and suddenly I hear a nice little content style laugh, and it is good to hear because laughter is usually accompanied by happiness. Happiness is contentment; contentment means your mind is generally in a good place. Hearing her laugh makes me smile, and that makes me content, so at the moment, all is good – we shall see.
But to finish I have also previously written about ‘FOMO’ the fear of missing out, and we witness it in many forms, even when we are on holiday, we must get the best, or what we perceive to be, the best sunbeds, by putting towels out at silly o’clock, and we do this to make sure we don’t miss out. I say we, I mean us as humans, not we as in my wife and I as we don’t do it, and there are plenty of spare sunbeds left over for us to have when we decide its sunbathing time! As my Mother always says ‘there’s nothing stranger than folk.’
And finally, as I sit on my sunbed to post this, I am sitting beside a lady who is knitting, whilst relaxing. Who remembers Tom Daley relaxing? We all have our chosen ways, finding it is the important thing.
Too Many Benefits, Distractions & Tom Daley Knitting!
Thanks for reading, and stay safe.