I have taken my own advice this morning. I got out of bed rather than lie there,
letting things run around in my head, not that there was anything specific causing me issues. Maybe it was something to do with getting that extra hours sleep, so here I am watching a re-run of last night’s Match of the Day, enjoying the United win at Tottenham.
But whilst I have issues with my memory, one thing I often go back to, which I did again this morning and will never forget from my early days, was visiting my local Enablement Team, referred there due to my PTSD. I had seen an Occupational Health Therapist a couple of times, and she referred me to the head Doctor. She met me in reception, took me to her consultation room without talking and asked me to sit down.
Looking at me and in a very deliberate fashion, she said something very similar to this:
‘Can I start by asking you a question – ARE YOU ALRIGHT?’ She didn’t shout at me. I’m using capitals to emphasise the question which she did, and what did I do? I started to cry. Not wailing or sobbing, but tears rolled, and I was all flustered crying in front of a lady – never. When I apologised to her, I also told her I didn’t know why that happened as it didn’t usually. And I’ll never forget her response.
‘Because when people ask you if you’re okay, you say yes,’ to which I replied ‘yes I do,’ and she said to me, ‘you’re not okay.’ And that is when I started learning all about anxiety.
But it just shows how we can be with any mental health issue. That was a deliberate act to get a reaction from me and to get a message across, and it worked. It was her job to do it and get the reaction to make me realise how things were with me, and she did it, but others didn’t know.
She was right, when people asked me if I was alright, I did say yes, and I said I was
okay because to me it was the right thing to say, but also because at the time I didn’t know any different, but when I said I was okay people believed me. They were friends, family, maybe close work colleagues, so in their opinion, why would I lie to them? So when I said I was okay, I was okay – but I wasn’t.
But that shows that they didn’t know, because they couldn’t see anything wrong, there were no scars, there were no rashes, no plasters or bandages, they saw me looking and saying I was okay, so I was.
It wasn’t that long ago that I found myself in a situation whereby someone I was with didn’t look too happy. I commented on it, only to find out later that they suffer from anxiety and depression, and I must admit I felt for them, and I felt silly. To my annoyance, I didn’t practice some of what I learned on my Mental Health First Aid course, but in my defence, I have never had to practice any of what I learned in the two years since I went onto the course. It was more to learn about what I should do if the need arose, rather than doing it because I will need it in my job – I hope that makes sense?
I couldn’t see any scars or bandages on this young man, and I wrongly assumed he just wasn’t happy, and it is the best example I can give you of showing us all that you cannot see mental health issues.
I have since been in touch with this person, and his response was amazing, being very open about his condition and me apologising for my ignorance, more so as a qualified MHFA, but more importantly to me, someone who has suffered for some time now, and someone who should know better. But lying there this morning, I thought about my visit to the Enablement Team, and it got me thing about that specific situation.
So taking my own advice and getting up to occupy my mind, I decided I should write about these events just to highlight the matter of ‘invisible illnesses and conditions.’ But it is a life lesson and one that I can learn from and make sure it doesn’t happen again. If people wrongly thought I was okay when I wasn’t, why should I assume other people are or are not? So publicly to the young man and to anyone else I have read wrong in my time, mainly since the accident, I am sorry, and I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
And to finish with, one thing I know I have said since my early days is that it is important to ask for help, and we need to try to find the right support for us, which isn’t always easy. I believe the Enablement Team was right for me, but instead, I went on a residential course paid for by a very kind gentleman, as we thought that might help, which it did. But I was told only to follow one form of help, and I chose the course version, something I think I got wrong to this day, but we are where we are, and there have been so many people who have helped me I would love to repay that, something I am working on but which will take time to set up.
But we need to ask for help, even those who may be shy by nature and who don’t think they will enjoy opening up to a stranger. I was like that in my early days, and now people sometimes wonder where my ‘off switch’ is, and I can talk for Scotland. So please consider talking; there is help out there, often starting with your GP, but there are many helplines and charities beginning on social media, for those unsure, and for those who may even feel uncomfortable speaking with a GP.
My lesson – never assume people are as they seem to be, or as I did recently, you will get it wrong.
Thanks for reading, and stay safe.