When I started writing my story, I planned to write all about my journey from the accident through to the present day. I honestly had no idea how many chapters I would write. However, I think it has even surprised me as I didn’t think that in chapter twelve, I still wouldn’t have covered my time post-accident regarding the start of the recuperation period. If anything I thought I would maybe be close to finishing my story, and yet I have barely started, and why is that? Well, simply because I am getting side-tracked so much with other issues that are related to my story and condition, I didn’t believe it would be like this. Still, it is enjoyable for me, and I want to say thanks for reading, and as always, I hope it helps someone somewhere along the way, so I feel it is important to get my story out there.
I am writing this part, and basing it on the Corona Virus outbreak and my concerns for another widespread problem we may have when this is all over. Mental Health Issues and related matters had never been discussed as much as they were just before the outbreak started. We were even hearing from our Royal Family and various sports and TV personalities, adverts and programmes highlighting the problems were on nearly every day.
Personally, with having had problems, I thought it was good to see so much spotlight on the subject. Trying to get the message across and trying to help and show people of all ages that it is good to talk and that many different people from all walks of life can have mental health issues. It is not something to be ashamed of anymore. The stigma of having mental health problems has pretty much gone, at least I hope it has.t There should no longer be any concerns out there, and it is okay to have mental health issues and other related issues. It is good to talk, and that is a significant point to remember.
On that note, I will tell you my most vivid experience of talking to someone post-accident. As mentioned, I didn’t really know there was anything wrong to start with, even when I was being told to go and see people I just went. Some seven-plus years later, I certainly can’t remember what was going on, and my book doesn’t make it too clear either.
I was assigned to our local NHS Enablement Team, a department that helps people with trauma injuries. I was given an appointment, so I went! The first two times, I spoke with an Occupational Health Nurse, and charming she was too, and it was good to talk, and I enjoyed it. I remember sharing my problems, and it felt so much better when I walked out, although I still can’t give more detail on how I was feeling in general at this stage, I do have some recollection of the meetings. On the second visit, she told me that my next appointment would be with her colleague, a more senior person, I assume and believe to be a Psychologist. There we go, memory problems again!!
I had never met this lady, and dutifully turned up for my appointment, and she greeted me in reception by name only. No other conversation took place on the way to her office, and then it went like this:
Her: Please sit down
Me: Thank you
Her: Can I start by asking you a question?
Me: Yes, of course.
Her: (Very directly and very precise while looking straight at me and into my eyes) – How are you?
And what was my reaction to that? Many will say I responded with a polite ‘fine thank you, how are you’, or similar. But no – I started to cry!! Not a full-on tears and blubbing all over the place cry, but never the less I cried.
I was flustered, a fifty-year-old man stupidly crying, but worse for my generation, crying in front of a lady, we didn’t do that! However, I managed to collect myself reasonably quickly, and as I wiped the tears away, I stuttered and stammered an apology, and I will never forget these words.
Me: Sorry, I don’t know why I did that. I’ve never reacted like that before.
Her: Would you like me to tell you why you reacted like that?
Me: (Totally intrigued and hooked). Yes, please.
Her: Because every time someone asks you if you’re okay, you say yes.
Me: Yes, (because as already mentioned, that is exactly what I said to people when they asked me.)
Her: Well, you’re not okay and let me explain why?
And that is the conversation as it happened, and again strange how I remember specifics from seven years ago, but I can’t remember someone’s name from yesterday. And realistically that is the first time I sat up and really took notice of the word and condition that is anxiety!! I can’t remember what else was spoken about in that session, but I remember that part of it like it was yesterday, and I believe we generally spoke about anxiety and how things were. And regrettably, that was the first and last time I saw her for about two or three years, but that is another part of ‘My Story’ for another time.
And that I believe is a very good example of why it is good to talk, and a better example of us thinking we are alright when we’re not. Admittedly I didn’t know or wasn’t sure of what exactly was going on at the time, and she had to get it out of me, but that is what they do in their line of work – they know when we don’t. But it is important if we do think there is a problem, or we’re just not sure, that we go and find out and we talk to someone, preferably someone impartial and who knows what this is all about!
You may be asking at this time what that has got to do with the Corona Virus, well I will write more about my opinions on what happens when the country gets the all-clear to return to normal lives at a later date. However, when that does happen, I believe there will be a surge in many aspects of our lives, including births and divorce (already mentioned and the rise in divorce is seemingly already happening). Still, on the main subject of my writing, I believe there will also be a surge in people reporting, and therefore needing help with mental health issues.
I think the lockdown situation will bring mental health issues to people for the first time and will also make existing conditions worse, and as this page is about ‘My Story’, I would like to let you know how I am, just in case anyone is interested, just in case it can help.
I am not anxious, and my anxiety is not present, and I feel both blessed and lucky, and if I’m honest a little surprised, even though I am being frank and saying it is still early days in these unprecedented times.
My January and February concerns that stem from my underlying issues have passed with the change of the month, and, as we get a couple of mid-February dates out the way, they seem to reduce and retreat automatically. March brings fresh times for me, and so right now I am thankfully, alright. Added to this the COVID-19 situation is once again out of my control, so other than doing what I need to do there is nothing I can do to affect the situation, unlike the choices I had that give me my underlying issues. I was in control and got it wrong, I have no control over the Corona Virus, and that is how anxiety can affect me and indeed does affect me. And remember it is different for everyone; we are not all the same, especially where anxiety and mental health issues are concerned.
I was apprehensive when I had to stop work, and we went into lockdown mainly uneasy at the thought of being able to stay occupied, a significant factor when dealing with anxiety or mental health issues. But I have a list of jobs to do, including a full garden re-vamp that means digging the turf up and re-laying it, stone to be put down, fence and furniture to be treated and more. Other small jobs too, becoming involved in the NHS and a local volunteering service, there is writing to do. The games I have downloaded onto my phone, plus my daily 3-mile walk certainly passes the time, but it’s not the same, as it is not the same for the majority of the nation’s population, I appreciate that.
But spare a thought for people who live like this every day, people who have no-one and no contact or social life? I have said in the past we are lucky as we have quite a lot of both and I am already missing my social life. I had to drop some supplies off to a friend who we socialise with quite often, and when I left I felt quite sad wondering when I would next give him a welcoming hug, the virtual one we did just wasn’t the same. But we are lucky, and I am grateful for what we have!
We are all different, and to those who are struggling with the situation in these difficult times, please reach out and remember there is help out there even in these trying times. Please stay safe.
Thanks for reading and stay safe
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